Day 123 - Part 1 - Counting up.

Sees and I might go see Breda next week :D
Awesomeeeee.
AND, Dennis and I are getting quite far planning my visit. I do need to ask my parents still, which I, again, am kinda afraid of, but I'm guessing it will be fine. We already picked a sort-of-not-too-sure-yet date :D
Also, Matt's wanting attention again. So all of you cosmo gsm people, go hail Lord Matty ;)
Origin's looking pretty great too. 14 pages already, 3 ready to fit in :D
This might be the first story I actually finish ^^
You daon't wanna be near Linda and me right now. We're so crazy, laughing our asses off at the tiniest of things. I guess we're just being girls for tonight ;)

Day 122 - Part 1 - Making Plans.

Ohhhh my gosh.
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

Ahem. Sorry, I'm kinda hyper. So, here's the news: Dennis's parents allowed me to come and stay over for a weekend. Now all I have to do is ask my mom :D
It just seems so close all of a sudden. OH GOSH, I'm hyper. All worked up. GAH, can't wait to go ^^
Also, Lin and I might meet. If I can find someone to take along ^^
Which I aactually should. Sees, you and I, Breda, shopping, somewhere this week? Mail me ;)

Day 121 - Part 1 - Tears.

So Dennis was feeling bad, and by trying to make him feel better, I caught myslef totally off guard. Now all I want to do is go crawl into a corner and cry.

Day 114 - Part 1 - Birthdays and phoneaddictions.

I'm 15!!!!!!!!!!! :D
And very happy. Birthday presents: some money, 4 bars of chocolate, 2 boxes of special chocolates, a chocolate bunny (yes I do love chocolate), 5 DVD's, 3 books and a new smartphone :D
I love it, completely addicted :D
AND, there's more to come. Dennis send me something, but it's not here yet, and so did my grandpa.
So, last update: There's quite some people that found out about my blog. I'm not hiding it from anyone, and if someone asks I'll just say it's me, but I don't go around talling people about my blog, because, you all know, it's kinda personal. Not that I mind that. I actually really like people being able to tell who I am by reading this. Means I've got some real good friends...
Or I'm just obvious.

Day 109 - Part 1 - Plans for today.

Sleep. Sleep, sleep and more sleep. And then: Coffee.
I need to learn for French, but I can hardly keep my eyes open.
So I slept. I forgot to set the alarmclock, and I slept for just about 2,5 hours. Then my mom woke me and we talked about my birthdayparty for a little, because I invited people but we still needed to set a time.

And, no coffee. No homework either, but that's of later concern. Right now, I'm just freaking tired and wanna go right back to bed... And it's not wake-up tiredness, it's I'm-falling-down-and-can't-keep-my-eyes-open tiredness.
Andddddd, the cycle is round again -.-'

Day 108 - Part 2 - Milla

Milla's officially weird, you guys. She's completely mad :O
That's why I like her so much ^^

Day 108 - Part 1 - Miss Luzzie's got a job.

Oh yesh.
A paperround, for 2 weeks of holiday only, but 10 euro's a week, me's happy ^^
AND, Happy Valentine's Day, you guys! :D
Gotten today: a HUGE bar of chocolate, 4 roses, and most importantly, Dennis as my valentine :*
Yup, I like Valentine's Day :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxD2tio8zHg&feature=autoplay&list=PL47A154E9EA6E2DA4&lf=mh_lolz&playnext=17

Day 107 - Part 1- GAH.

History exam today. Just did it, my hand's cramped, my mind overheated and my eyes dropping. I didn't have to go to school apart from the exam, but I was so stressed, and of course, when I think I prepared pretty good, I seem to have learned everything I shouldn't have and vice versa. Gah, school's freaking me out.

Last week was kinda dull. Apart from my mom's birthday, my failing computer (AGAIN D:) and me being tired as always, nothing interesting happened. Talking to Dennis a lot, of course, and I happen to LOVE coffee. My mom told me this morning there's a max of 1 cup of coffee a day :(

And now I have to go get ready for piano classes, and my computer's still evil, and stress, and GAH. :(

Day 102 - Part 1 - Happy B-Day

Yesterday was 2 months with Dennis, today's my mom's birthday, and I'm on my way to getting happy.
I spend less time behind the computer because mine's broken again and I can't steal my dad's that easily anymore, but it doesn't bother me too much. I go out doing the washing, cleaning the kitchen, ironing, cleaning my room, reading, doing some real homework, having quality time with myself, even working on my fashionclass project outside classes. It's looking pretty awesome.
I play the piano more often and draw more, doing more than expected from me, AND keeping myself all warm and bundled up in my new sweater. I LOVE it. Yup.
Dennis is making me very curious, and I;m not really a short-time patient person, really. He's got me some birthday present, and he'll be sending it in, saying I can't open it until the 19th. Meanie. :(
AND, I'm going to sell roses in school. It was an idea of some of my friend, order a rose and we'll send them around on Valentine's Day. So, selling full-on tomorrow and the day after.
AND, *happyhappyhappy*, I found a song I lost the title of long ago but I do love.
Yup, today was a real good day :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNzlt8aQtgE&feature=related

Day 100 - Part 1 - Wow.

100 days. That's, like, a LOT. I never imagined me actually blogging for this long. But, really, I like it. I like writing about my day, writing about my feelings, about things that happen, about things I do and people I know.
And, of course, it's pretty awesome to see so many people reading this daily. So many people interested in my silly little life.
Well, let's talk about last weekend, then ;)
Friday. Snow. SNOW. I used to hate snow and ice and coldness, because it's so cold and I broke my arm while iceskating some years ago, but actually, I loved it. I walked home, splashing with my feet, kicking the snow away, playing tourist and taking pictures of everything. Then I got home, did some washing, cleaned the kitchen, and then I sat in my computerchair, boucing all over, talking to Dennis and being proud of myself being able to sit still with all that energy I had.
Saturday, Alice came over and we talked and laughed and talked some more, and we went to sleep at, like, 5 in the morning, waking up at 12.30, and then I did some homework and talked to Dennis some more.
And today, well, today's school. After that, I went into the city, buying a present for my mom, whos birthday is this Wednesday, and for this totally adorable little girl who turned 3 on Sunday and says I'm one of her best friends (which, strangely, I am). I brought her a pot of purple flowers, and some jam and candy for my mom.
And now I'm listening to music and doing my homework (WOW). Nothing much happened, really, apart from me being more and more part of the household chores.
I realized that doing simple things like ironing and folding and cleaning out the kitchen takes my mind off things big time, especially if I turn on the TV and watch a movie meanwhile. So I'm fond behing the washing more and more often, enjoying it as I go. My life isn't always fun, you know.

Day 98 - Part 1 - Listen up.

Just to say, I'm not lesbian, I'm not against lesbians, but I'm not, but, erm, from 0.50 on, well, that's all me, I guess.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAItyFvdkio

Day 96 - Part 1 - Workworkwork

I've been busy doing homework all day.
I KNOW! It's odd. But I have a history presentation tomorrow, and I just have to finish everything D:
So, I actually have no time at all to be typing, but I feel like I'm failing on you guys if I don't.
Anyways, you know what I'm up to, and I have to go now, finish everything.

stressstressStressSTRESSSSSS
:(

Day 93 - Part 1 - Hard days.

I told my mom about Dennis.
Which, truly, doesn't seem like so much of a big deal, looking at the sentence. But it was even harder than expected.
Emi wasn't there. In the end, I'm glad she wasn't, because it really was something I had to do alone with my mom, and I think she might have gotten frightened by my heavy crying. I still have faint bite marks on my fingers from bringing down hard, so the sobbing won't too terrible. We were in a park, you see.
It all started with a pair of shoes, how witty that may sound. My mom and I were cycling to the train station, going to the open day of the KABK, an art academy. So, going there, my mom dragged me by a few shoeshops, showing me some. In one of them, she made me try some on, and, well, I liked them, but I didn't have the money. And she was sitting there, encouraging me, making me choose the nicest ones. I didn't realize she wanted to give me some until I was mocking about the niceness of the shoes and her angry face. So I picked, she paid, she angry.
All the time in the train we were just sitting there, staring out the window, not talking. When we got there, she asked me if I understood why she was so mad. Well, I didn't. We were walking towards the building of the KABK, and she stopped at the egde of a park, talking to me. She told me how she tried so hard to be a good mom, how she wanted to be involved in my life, how she wanted to be there for me. And how bad she thought she failed. How I didn't let her in, how she couldn't reach me, how she hoped for me I would've had a better mom. I hated myself so intently for making her feel that way, it sacred me right through the anger and tears.
And then we walked into the park and sat down on a bench. She asked me if there was something I was not telling her, and I let out a squeeking "yes". And then she asked me what, and I just started sobbing and sobbing and sobbing, so much I wasn't sure where the tears came from. I bit in my finger to reduce the sobbing, then in the other, then in the piece beneath my thumb, because my fingers were starting to hurt real bad.
After a minute or five, the story slowly started to spill out, bit by bit, until I told her everything. The only thing she then said was that she thought I was a fool for not telling her earlier, and that she was very happy for me. And she hugged me real tight.
SoI pulled myself together a bit, and she started asking questions. What's his name, how old he is, where he lives, what kind of school he goes to, if his parents know. Also really senseless questions like his shoesize. But I was willing to answer whatever she asked, so grateful I exaggarated so much in my head.
Well, then we went into the building across the street, checking the academy, which, honestly, I didn't like. It was kind of closed, almost unwelcome. I am glad I went, now I'm even surer I want to go to ArtEZ. After that, my mom and I went to sit in this most adorable bar. And there I was bombarded with even more questions.
Why I fell for him. Well, that's quite hard to explain. My mom asked if it were the looks. (Meaning, is he shirtless with an eightpack, armmucles as big as my head, long black hair and blazing blue eyes?) So, I was like, "Erm, no." And then she said "Well, it's not for the sex." And I was going like "That's the fisrt thing you'd think of." And then she said "No, the second." And then we had a whole discussion about her thinking of sex and looks and not kissing, in the middle of a busy bar. I was like *facepalm* all over.
But, her joking is a good thing, that means she's all comfartable with the subject. And the food was real good, bread with goat cheese and walnuts and salad stuff, and an amazing smoothie, and then my mom got the most awesome chopped-up-brownie-and-stuck-together-with-caramel sticky piece of cake. Yummy :D
When I got home, she made me tell my dad, who asked just about the same questions, and then moved on to a random other topic, a sign for him to be comfortable with the subject.
In the end, I got the most amazing converse-style sneakers, with soft leather on the outside the inside covered with warm wool. It proved to be a good choise right away.
And all the while, Dennis and I were texting, and I just felt SO happy. I mean, this huge weight fell off my shoulders. And just for the record, yesterday was the very first time we actually made a sort of plan for meeting, one that might very possibly work. I'm so happy right now, better than I've been in months (with a few exeptions, of course).
Oh, and Milla/Pry says we have to meet on Valentines Day, because that would be so romantic. I'll discuss it, 'kay? ;)

Day 89 - Part 2 - Just feel like writing.

I have nothing else to do, really. Talking to Dennis and Linda, of course, but I don't really feel like working on my story at the moment, and I'm out of inspiration to continue designing. I'd like to re-instal my Bamboo tablet, but then I have to close down everything and wait for two hours, and I don't feel like doing that either. I might finish my application and hope to get asked for a job interview (applying at some student organisation thing), or read a little, I don't know.

Day 89 - Part 1 - No reason at all.

I feel so weird. It's some kind of sad, but I'm very happy at the same time. It's strange. Some moments, I feel extreamly sad for no reason at all, the other, I'm extraordinary happy. Guess it's just hormones and being a teenager.
I actually spend time doing my homework today. Diana came over, and we worked on history, and now we have an amazing plan and some info already. Yay for keeping up the good work.
And, my friend needs to send me her piece of the catch-up assignment, because I can't go on without that. GOSH, I've been asking and telling her for, like, a week now. -.-'
Also, my braces are due somewhere VERY soon. At least, that's what I've been told. In five weeks, I'll get pictures taken, and then I'll be looked at, so if the pictures look alright, I have about 3 more months to go :D
And I don't have to wear those hellish rubber bands during the day anymore. So that's surviving another set of worries. There's just one tiny problem: I'd LOVE to keep the adorable space between my upper front teeth, because it looks so awesome, but then I can't have one of those iron strips behind my teeth, for it will show. So if I keep it, I'll have to wear some block brace thing for the rest of my life. Decisions, decisions. I hate having to decide, I'm really bad at it.

Day 88 - Part 1 - Stuck on writing.

I've spend the last, I don't know, 3 hours or something talking to Dennis and writing a story. It's amazing ^^
So, I really have no clue how, or when, I'm going to tell my mom. Emi agreed to sitting there with me, but somehow she just seems resistant. I mean, I get it when she says I need to learn to do things like this alone, but I'm just scared and I feel like I need someone to hold on to. But, Emi doesn't seem to want to pick a date, or to even be here. And I'm sure what I want anymore. I might just write my mom a letter, or tell her by myself. Rather be alone than with someone who doesn't want to be there in the first place.
Things just got a whole lot more complicated.

Day 87 - Part 1 - Getting back on tracks.

So yesterday evening, my mom walked in, and told me I had to stop computering and stuff, and I didn't quite like the conversation, but just when it was about to end, gsm decided to make a sound. And things got a whole lot worse.

My mom asked what it was, and I said msn, and she said who I was talking with, and I didn't answer, because there was no one online. And she asked again and again, and I just sat there on the verge of bursting into tears, afraid she might force me to open my internet and show her. And with that, her knowing about Dennis. Which scares me to hell, because as you know, she just can't know.

And she just kept on asking and asking, and then I said gsm, and my voice broke and I burst into tears. Yay for me being such a crybaby on my period. The coversation got a whole lot worse for me. I turned off my sound, so she wouldn't hear my facebook beep and start asking about it, and she just talked about gsm and why I liked it so much and how it's not good for me and if my grades suffer under it. I said no.

Then she told me to stop, and I said that is hard, and she said I should bring down going on gsm to one hour a day. Which doesn't solve any problems, because she still thinks it's gsm I'm on all day now, instead of talking to Dennis. It does kinda help not being online all day, I guess. Today was not that bad until now.

But it did make me realize I need to tell her. Soon. Because I can't stand pretending and lying to her all the time. And I know I don't really need to tell my dad, it's just handier to tell my mom in this situation. The big problem is actually telling her.

Emi and I have brainstormed on it over and over, and the only solution we can come up with is telling mom head-on, no warning at all. Though Emi had the smartest suggestion ever. Asking my mom how I can tell her something she doesn't like, but I do. So now all I have to do is wait for Emi to come over and then tell my mom. Gah.

I mean, I really, REALLY want to get it off my chest, but I'm just so afraid of my mom's reaction. I'm scared of what she might say or do, of what she will think off it.

And I certainly do hope Emi's hand is strong. If not, it's gonna be mush.

Day 86 - Part 1 - Too tired to do ANYTHING.

Yesterday was the start of my period, and it was one of those I'm-so-tired-I-want-to-stay-in-bed-and-do-nothing-or-sleep-and-I'm-friggin'-grumpy days... Today was not much better.
My back hurts like crazy, idk why, yesterday I had trouble coming down the stairs :O
And we had something called "studium generale" in school today, which can be classified under "1 hour of my life spend useless, proving things I already knew". Because it was some long speech about space engineering, and i already KNOW I'm not gonna do that, with that, it's impossible for me to, and it only got me more tired.
Emi and I still don't have a solution for telling my parents about Dennis yet. Fuck.
Excuse my language.

My neck hurts and I want my bed. GAH, this day sucks. Luckily there's Dennis to make me smile. <3

Day 84 - Part 2 - Stunned to silence.

There's a lot of songs I really like, but only so many that really get to me.
And then there's just about 5 that stun me to absolute silence.

I have to say, this girl's 13. 13.
Unbelieveable O.o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7MRUfSsJj8