Day 87 - Part 1 - Getting back on tracks.

So yesterday evening, my mom walked in, and told me I had to stop computering and stuff, and I didn't quite like the conversation, but just when it was about to end, gsm decided to make a sound. And things got a whole lot worse.

My mom asked what it was, and I said msn, and she said who I was talking with, and I didn't answer, because there was no one online. And she asked again and again, and I just sat there on the verge of bursting into tears, afraid she might force me to open my internet and show her. And with that, her knowing about Dennis. Which scares me to hell, because as you know, she just can't know.

And she just kept on asking and asking, and then I said gsm, and my voice broke and I burst into tears. Yay for me being such a crybaby on my period. The coversation got a whole lot worse for me. I turned off my sound, so she wouldn't hear my facebook beep and start asking about it, and she just talked about gsm and why I liked it so much and how it's not good for me and if my grades suffer under it. I said no.

Then she told me to stop, and I said that is hard, and she said I should bring down going on gsm to one hour a day. Which doesn't solve any problems, because she still thinks it's gsm I'm on all day now, instead of talking to Dennis. It does kinda help not being online all day, I guess. Today was not that bad until now.

But it did make me realize I need to tell her. Soon. Because I can't stand pretending and lying to her all the time. And I know I don't really need to tell my dad, it's just handier to tell my mom in this situation. The big problem is actually telling her.

Emi and I have brainstormed on it over and over, and the only solution we can come up with is telling mom head-on, no warning at all. Though Emi had the smartest suggestion ever. Asking my mom how I can tell her something she doesn't like, but I do. So now all I have to do is wait for Emi to come over and then tell my mom. Gah.

I mean, I really, REALLY want to get it off my chest, but I'm just so afraid of my mom's reaction. I'm scared of what she might say or do, of what she will think off it.

And I certainly do hope Emi's hand is strong. If not, it's gonna be mush.