Day 93 - Part 1 - Hard days.

I told my mom about Dennis.
Which, truly, doesn't seem like so much of a big deal, looking at the sentence. But it was even harder than expected.
Emi wasn't there. In the end, I'm glad she wasn't, because it really was something I had to do alone with my mom, and I think she might have gotten frightened by my heavy crying. I still have faint bite marks on my fingers from bringing down hard, so the sobbing won't too terrible. We were in a park, you see.
It all started with a pair of shoes, how witty that may sound. My mom and I were cycling to the train station, going to the open day of the KABK, an art academy. So, going there, my mom dragged me by a few shoeshops, showing me some. In one of them, she made me try some on, and, well, I liked them, but I didn't have the money. And she was sitting there, encouraging me, making me choose the nicest ones. I didn't realize she wanted to give me some until I was mocking about the niceness of the shoes and her angry face. So I picked, she paid, she angry.
All the time in the train we were just sitting there, staring out the window, not talking. When we got there, she asked me if I understood why she was so mad. Well, I didn't. We were walking towards the building of the KABK, and she stopped at the egde of a park, talking to me. She told me how she tried so hard to be a good mom, how she wanted to be involved in my life, how she wanted to be there for me. And how bad she thought she failed. How I didn't let her in, how she couldn't reach me, how she hoped for me I would've had a better mom. I hated myself so intently for making her feel that way, it sacred me right through the anger and tears.
And then we walked into the park and sat down on a bench. She asked me if there was something I was not telling her, and I let out a squeeking "yes". And then she asked me what, and I just started sobbing and sobbing and sobbing, so much I wasn't sure where the tears came from. I bit in my finger to reduce the sobbing, then in the other, then in the piece beneath my thumb, because my fingers were starting to hurt real bad.
After a minute or five, the story slowly started to spill out, bit by bit, until I told her everything. The only thing she then said was that she thought I was a fool for not telling her earlier, and that she was very happy for me. And she hugged me real tight.
SoI pulled myself together a bit, and she started asking questions. What's his name, how old he is, where he lives, what kind of school he goes to, if his parents know. Also really senseless questions like his shoesize. But I was willing to answer whatever she asked, so grateful I exaggarated so much in my head.
Well, then we went into the building across the street, checking the academy, which, honestly, I didn't like. It was kind of closed, almost unwelcome. I am glad I went, now I'm even surer I want to go to ArtEZ. After that, my mom and I went to sit in this most adorable bar. And there I was bombarded with even more questions.
Why I fell for him. Well, that's quite hard to explain. My mom asked if it were the looks. (Meaning, is he shirtless with an eightpack, armmucles as big as my head, long black hair and blazing blue eyes?) So, I was like, "Erm, no." And then she said "Well, it's not for the sex." And I was going like "That's the fisrt thing you'd think of." And then she said "No, the second." And then we had a whole discussion about her thinking of sex and looks and not kissing, in the middle of a busy bar. I was like *facepalm* all over.
But, her joking is a good thing, that means she's all comfartable with the subject. And the food was real good, bread with goat cheese and walnuts and salad stuff, and an amazing smoothie, and then my mom got the most awesome chopped-up-brownie-and-stuck-together-with-caramel sticky piece of cake. Yummy :D
When I got home, she made me tell my dad, who asked just about the same questions, and then moved on to a random other topic, a sign for him to be comfortable with the subject.
In the end, I got the most amazing converse-style sneakers, with soft leather on the outside the inside covered with warm wool. It proved to be a good choise right away.
And all the while, Dennis and I were texting, and I just felt SO happy. I mean, this huge weight fell off my shoulders. And just for the record, yesterday was the very first time we actually made a sort of plan for meeting, one that might very possibly work. I'm so happy right now, better than I've been in months (with a few exeptions, of course).
Oh, and Milla/Pry says we have to meet on Valentines Day, because that would be so romantic. I'll discuss it, 'kay? ;)

Day 89 - Part 2 - Just feel like writing.

I have nothing else to do, really. Talking to Dennis and Linda, of course, but I don't really feel like working on my story at the moment, and I'm out of inspiration to continue designing. I'd like to re-instal my Bamboo tablet, but then I have to close down everything and wait for two hours, and I don't feel like doing that either. I might finish my application and hope to get asked for a job interview (applying at some student organisation thing), or read a little, I don't know.

Day 89 - Part 1 - No reason at all.

I feel so weird. It's some kind of sad, but I'm very happy at the same time. It's strange. Some moments, I feel extreamly sad for no reason at all, the other, I'm extraordinary happy. Guess it's just hormones and being a teenager.
I actually spend time doing my homework today. Diana came over, and we worked on history, and now we have an amazing plan and some info already. Yay for keeping up the good work.
And, my friend needs to send me her piece of the catch-up assignment, because I can't go on without that. GOSH, I've been asking and telling her for, like, a week now. -.-'
Also, my braces are due somewhere VERY soon. At least, that's what I've been told. In five weeks, I'll get pictures taken, and then I'll be looked at, so if the pictures look alright, I have about 3 more months to go :D
And I don't have to wear those hellish rubber bands during the day anymore. So that's surviving another set of worries. There's just one tiny problem: I'd LOVE to keep the adorable space between my upper front teeth, because it looks so awesome, but then I can't have one of those iron strips behind my teeth, for it will show. So if I keep it, I'll have to wear some block brace thing for the rest of my life. Decisions, decisions. I hate having to decide, I'm really bad at it.

Day 88 - Part 1 - Stuck on writing.

I've spend the last, I don't know, 3 hours or something talking to Dennis and writing a story. It's amazing ^^
So, I really have no clue how, or when, I'm going to tell my mom. Emi agreed to sitting there with me, but somehow she just seems resistant. I mean, I get it when she says I need to learn to do things like this alone, but I'm just scared and I feel like I need someone to hold on to. But, Emi doesn't seem to want to pick a date, or to even be here. And I'm sure what I want anymore. I might just write my mom a letter, or tell her by myself. Rather be alone than with someone who doesn't want to be there in the first place.
Things just got a whole lot more complicated.

Day 87 - Part 1 - Getting back on tracks.

So yesterday evening, my mom walked in, and told me I had to stop computering and stuff, and I didn't quite like the conversation, but just when it was about to end, gsm decided to make a sound. And things got a whole lot worse.

My mom asked what it was, and I said msn, and she said who I was talking with, and I didn't answer, because there was no one online. And she asked again and again, and I just sat there on the verge of bursting into tears, afraid she might force me to open my internet and show her. And with that, her knowing about Dennis. Which scares me to hell, because as you know, she just can't know.

And she just kept on asking and asking, and then I said gsm, and my voice broke and I burst into tears. Yay for me being such a crybaby on my period. The coversation got a whole lot worse for me. I turned off my sound, so she wouldn't hear my facebook beep and start asking about it, and she just talked about gsm and why I liked it so much and how it's not good for me and if my grades suffer under it. I said no.

Then she told me to stop, and I said that is hard, and she said I should bring down going on gsm to one hour a day. Which doesn't solve any problems, because she still thinks it's gsm I'm on all day now, instead of talking to Dennis. It does kinda help not being online all day, I guess. Today was not that bad until now.

But it did make me realize I need to tell her. Soon. Because I can't stand pretending and lying to her all the time. And I know I don't really need to tell my dad, it's just handier to tell my mom in this situation. The big problem is actually telling her.

Emi and I have brainstormed on it over and over, and the only solution we can come up with is telling mom head-on, no warning at all. Though Emi had the smartest suggestion ever. Asking my mom how I can tell her something she doesn't like, but I do. So now all I have to do is wait for Emi to come over and then tell my mom. Gah.

I mean, I really, REALLY want to get it off my chest, but I'm just so afraid of my mom's reaction. I'm scared of what she might say or do, of what she will think off it.

And I certainly do hope Emi's hand is strong. If not, it's gonna be mush.

Day 86 - Part 1 - Too tired to do ANYTHING.

Yesterday was the start of my period, and it was one of those I'm-so-tired-I-want-to-stay-in-bed-and-do-nothing-or-sleep-and-I'm-friggin'-grumpy days... Today was not much better.
My back hurts like crazy, idk why, yesterday I had trouble coming down the stairs :O
And we had something called "studium generale" in school today, which can be classified under "1 hour of my life spend useless, proving things I already knew". Because it was some long speech about space engineering, and i already KNOW I'm not gonna do that, with that, it's impossible for me to, and it only got me more tired.
Emi and I still don't have a solution for telling my parents about Dennis yet. Fuck.
Excuse my language.

My neck hurts and I want my bed. GAH, this day sucks. Luckily there's Dennis to make me smile. <3

Day 84 - Part 2 - Stunned to silence.

There's a lot of songs I really like, but only so many that really get to me.
And then there's just about 5 that stun me to absolute silence.

I have to say, this girl's 13. 13.
Unbelieveable O.o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7MRUfSsJj8

Day 84 - Part 1 - Money for nothing.

So my parents are out shopping, and my little sis is at a friend's house, and I have to babysit my sister and her friend and her friend's sister fot, like, an hour. And then their parents gave me lunch, and we had a chat, and when I went home, thay just gave me money. I was all like, "but I didn't do anything, I was lying on the sofa, you're paying me way too much", but I ot the money anyway. 12,5 euros for an hour of sofa napping and listening to kids play. Weird. O.o

Day 82 - Part 1 - My hands are dirty.

Do you have any idea how hard it is typing with the side of your hand? Well, I can tell you, VERY. But I definitely do love potato chips. Yummy :D

I'll be 15 in exactly a month. Wow. So much has happened in the past year, though I think the main thing is that I went from one to about eight real, REAL good friends. In just one year. That's just purely amazing.

Also, what I meant with yesterday's title, is that I might go sing in this showcase-ish thing at my school. It's for a grade, and easiest would ofcourse be just playing some classical piece on the piano, but that's the one thing everyone expects from me. But since I couldn't sing at all until some time ago, I'm very nervous and not sure at all. I do play along on piano, so I'm not THAT much in an unknown territory. Dennis tells me it's amazing, though. The song is WAY harder than I first expected, but if I choose to do it, I'll get through it ;) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptSjNWnzpjg&ob=av3e) I'll be fearless.

And then I actually did quite some homework today, though my eyes were drooping and I was getting cros-eyed, I did something. Aplause for me. Yay.*yawn*

The rest of my day was spend devided between piano breaks and computering, chatting with Dennis and Jims and Linda, of course. Only Dennis now, but that's all right, 'cause he's all I need. I love him SO much <3

Day 81 - Part 1 - Singing.

Today was... Okay, I guess. Not so bad as I thought it would be. I mean, school, y'know...
So, I started with being late, which, luckily, my teacher doesn't really mind. Theater classes, break, Dutch, economic (which the teacher really DID improve, yay!), break, free period, mathematics.
Pretty empty, huh?
And, of course, SIX WEEKS <3
Wow I love him.

And now computer decides to warn me it's closing down in 3, so I'll be off. More info in a bit! :O

Day 80 - Part 1 - Finally back.

My computer is back on tracks! I'm missing quite a lot of things, which my dad stashed in a backup somewhere, but it's BACK! :D

So now that I'm back online, I guess I'll just fill you in on the last few days. Friday, we went to an awesome play, some kind of theater show on the Beatles. It was pretty amazing. And, good music. ^^

My weekend was lazy, as always. I talked to Dennis and Jimmy and Linda, and I did the tinyest bit of homework, typed some part of a story, and had dinner at a friend's place with my sister. I slept and read and read some more.

Yesterday was back to school, darndarn, starting with PE -.-'

I and Diana had this weird convo with our economics teacher, on how to improve the HUGE class' behavior. With is nice, because he is one of the few teachers who actually listens.

And I have musleache all over, though I have absolutely NO clue how I could get that. Weird all over.

And today's fashionclass, and I have eaten already (applause), so I'll be off getting ready and in time. WOW! ;D

Day 74 - Part 2 - Cutting the chase.

I somehow seem to have the ability of making things fall into place when I'm just about ready to give up on them. I only forget to realize that I do.
I was halfway floating today. Being happy. Real happy. For once, I didn't have to fight the tight frown that always seems to settle itself on my face when I'm in school. I was just... relaxed. Really relaxed. At peace with myself, a feeling that has been gone for a long time.
Usually, when I'm in school, I get really annoyed by those small kids thinking they own the school, running around and yelling at each other and smashing backs into walls and fighting, but it somehow didn't seem to bother me today. I kept my head up, my eyes fixed ahead of me, a rare thing for me to do. I always seem to sink into myself for a while while I'm at school, but I was beaming. I just was beaming. And I didn't mind, I didn't care about sceptical looks, I smiled back when people smiled at me, I waved, I hugged people just because I felt like doing it.
And, of course, I finished TrueBlood3, and passed it on to Emi.
The only negative part was in Dutch class. We had to write stories before, and today was evaluation. The teacher told us to read other's stories in groups, and then pick out the best and the worst, and to not feel sad if your story is picked as worst, because people don't reject you as a person, just the story you wrote. The point is, the one I wrote was some sort of retail therapy, and was all about me. Rejecting it means rejecting my life. (Which I do advise you to do, I'm all happy now, but I can't ever stand to go through that pain again.) I've always been a moderate to good writer, so I was confident that if I didn't get picked as best, I surely won't be last. And guess what?
I was.
But I don't fully believe it's done fair. The little group of people reading my story was a group of girls of 2 who don't like me at all, 1 who I don't really know and 1 whom I like but has a very weak opinion. So it would've been easy for the two to talk the rest into picking me as last. That didn't make the blow any less hard, though.
You know how hard it is to keep smile and appearing unharmed for me? It's as if someone kicked me in the stomache and the head 50 times at once. And I was sitting there, brave mode on, pretending I don't care, when all they did was deny my hard work to get where I am, and pushing me straight back down. For a terrible moment, I saw all I had crumble and me falling back to pieces. But I'm all good now, relying more and more on my own well-formed theory and pretending that's the truth. Gosh, I'm never gonna be able to fully get together, am I?

At least music will never fail me. I know I'm beautiful, I KNOW, and I'm not going to let this get to me. No one will bring me back down, no one will make me crumble, because I won't let them. I'm almost back up.
And this time, I don't care what people think. I don't care about their opinion, because I know the truth. And this time, Dennis, I mean it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yq1H3l7kyYU

Day 74 - Part 1 - This popped into my mind today.

As I was sitting in the cafeteria, staring ahead, after finishing TrueBlood3, which is now happily passed on to Emi.

And I'm that far away,
Beyond reach, reach out your finger
I'm too far away,
My thoughts still linger here

And I'm so far away,
From the people that surround me,
Yes, I'm that far away,
But I've never been closer to myself before.

Day 73 - Part 3 - Now I know what to do.

Sometimes, songs give me ideas. Like just now, I came across this one, and I figured I wanna watch a movie. Or write. Or draw. I think I'll be going for the writing option, since I have some stories laying around, waiting to be finished.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIAJx_NdLIw&feature=related

Oh, and, erm...
Just listen to the lyrics, 'kay?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2WWrupMBAE

Day 73 - Part 2 - Music.

Because that always gets me happy ^^

These guys are amazing. Like, five people, four voices, one guitar. WOW.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M

This has been stuck in my head all day. I love the song ^^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPGQuif4I58

And, just because the clip is absolutely ADORABLE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zm6i-C0p1Y

Day 73 - Part 1 - I should get working.

Ah, I love short days in school. I do. And since Thursdays are my shortest days (off at 12.30), I LOVE Thursdays. Apart from the fact it's one of Dennis' longest days, so I have to wait forever for him to get online. Hmm. I'm contradiction myself.
I'm sorry, weird message today, I'm kinda wary from being back on drugs again. (My ADHD meds, that is, but they're really drugs, I have to get a doctor's declaration to travel with them.) So I'm kinda stoned all day, since I haven't used them in a long time. From hyper to worn-out in one day. Wow.
And now I'm home, after a short day of school, showing my new outfit. I love my shoes :D
After school I spend an hour working on this catch-up project (I got two 1's, which is the lowest grade possible) with my catch-up mate. And then I went to the hospital, for the sake of my lovely toe, and luckily it all looks good. Phew.
Now I'm home, taking a tiny little break, and I'm gonna bring my sister to her dancing classes later on, then get home and continue my essay (if I have the energy), and cook, and lounge on the sofa, and then go to bed. Dang, I'm tired. And my day is only getting busier.
Gah.

Day 72 - Part 1 - Shopping Spree!

Today I got to sleep in, for my first two periods were cancelled, and I only had to be in school by 11 (partytime). My brother has moved back in some time ago, I think I forgot to mention that, he's still not going to school, and my mom and him had a huge fight over it this morning. So I got stuck on my bed reading a book, getting annoyed by the fact I was out of medication and going to be VERY hyper all day.
Which, for the record, proved to be right.
Then, in school, I had to write a story during Dutch. Including a creepy place (could be anywhere, as long as the main character has bad memories and THINKS it's a creepy place), a flashback and an open end. So I decided to make mine about a girl who was bullied and went back to the school where she was. Sounds familiar, huh? Well, secretly it was some kind of personal retail therapy for me too, so nothing to worry about. At least I got it all finished in time, AND just 1.5 page, which is extraordinary short to me.
And then I talked Diana into coming shopping with me, so that worked out all right. We first went over to her place, so she could drop her backpack, and get some lights for her bicycle. We went to my place after that, for me to get my wallet and a bag and my lend croches, to bring them back.
So off we went, first I got my meds, then I dropped off the walking sticks (as I like to refer them to), and I kinda dragged her into the shoe shop. I like shoes. And shoe shops. Especially in 70% retail. But you might have guessed so much. So I got myself two pair.
And then clothing. We went into this shop I usually go, and andother friend came in, telling me she loved it that my bicycle was so regognizable, and I got two sweaters, a vest, jeans, and some jewlery.
Oh, mom calls. Dinner. Bye!

Day 71 - Part 1 - Back to School.

Today was... Well, boring, mostly. I had school, of course, and though the last hour was cancelled, it was still waking up early, having to DO stuff (like, obligations) and more annoying stuff.
But, after was big fun. I went to Sezen's place, where I drunk coffee for the first time in my live (WOW guys, that tates... Weird) and then she had to kick me out, so we kept on talking and talking and in the end, we spend 1.5 hours in the freezing cold, just, well, talking. About all kinds of stuff. Mostly about our boyfriends, though. Which was fun, and good, but she didn't give me the advise I wanted (fyi, she met her boyfriend online, too), so that wasn't all too great. She did agree to come and meet Jims and Linda with me, though. Weirdokid...
And now I'm over at Cecile's place, who is cutting her own hair and looking amazing, and I kinda stole her computer now (working with all I have to keep it up), and talking to Dennis, though I have to go home in ten minutes. Sucks. Suckssuckssuckssuckssucks.
Gah.

Day 70 - Part 4 - Stealing laptops.

So now my mom's laptop's sitting on top of my dad's laptop (I'm using hers now) with hers plugged in to the internet, talking to Dennis and Sees, though I have to go to bed somewhere soon. School starts tomorrow, gah.

Oh and Sees, you're an excellent guesser. Got it right in one try. Wow ;)

Day 70 - Part 3 - Tinychat ^^

immy: That was a friend
luzzie: oh
jimmy: thoswe two l
luzzie: haha
jimmy: omg I really can't type on her
luzzie: on her?
luzzie: Jim, gross
jimmy: herw
jimmy: HE
luzzie: him?
luzzie: even more yuck
luzzie: haha xDDD
jimmy: 'NOO
jimmy: I mean
jimmy: I can't type hereeeeee
luzzie: *laughs ass off*
luzzie: i KNOW

Day 70 - Part 2 - Yuck.

I know I'm on my dad's computer, and I know he has some pics of me, so I searched for some for my twitter, and I found his secret porn stash. Yuckyuckyuck.
I wanna was my eyes.
Not that I saw a lot, tiny visuals as I came across, but that's just one thing I REALLY don't want to know about him.
Yuckyuckyuckyuckyuckyuck.

Day 70 - Part 1 - Getting All Fixed.

My dad's fixing my computer, I was on Emi's yesterday (while she was stuck in reading TrueBlood1, I'm so good at getting people addicted to things....) talking to Dennis, my room's cleaner, I'm actually doing some homework, and I decided to get back in contact with an old friend of mine. Which, as it turns out, is a great choice, because he wants contact back too. ^^
So, I got on cam with Dennis (who has no cam and crappy internet, so we couldn't talk), but he thinks my smile is adorable. And I teksted that to Jimmy, who says it IS, so I promised her to use it more often. And I will.
Things are looking up, you see. I feel pretty and perfect, I got real good friend, a boyfriend, and I'm working on a solution for my parents (surprise, Dennis). Yeah, I'm feeling all good lately. Which is absolutely wonderful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTB0y71XLV4

Day 68 - Part 3 - Dutchie Special

Well, Shenna decided to go home because she's not feeling well (get better soon), but she DID get me started on this movie thing on youtube, including the most adorable song I've heard in ages.
Warning: It's all in Dutch, yes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Spn-Y8DuvHc (The Song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Au_8Uf2wL5I (The Entire Thing)

Warning 2: Superduperfunny! ;)

Day 68 - Part 2 - Superfuckingcute

Just listen ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdDG1vsLgTQ&feature=relmfu

Day 68 - Part 1 - @JustLuzzie

So Shenna talked me into getting Twitter... follow me ;)
Yesterday I went to this theme park, the Efteling, and it was quite amazing. Very amazing, even. A day with my family as a whole without my brother being as annoyed as possible and my sister nagging about every single thing was long ago. We went about everywhere, and the day ended with me eating a HUGE chunk of cottoncandy, and my sister too, listening to the endless themes of attractions and watching a awesome show.
And today was cool too. I woke up at noon, had brunch, went into the city. I'm gonna get a HTC Desire S, I decided. So my dad's searching a cheap deal for me now. Then I went off to get TrueBlood 3, which was missing still, and I went to the hairdresser to get an awesome new haircut. Just losing some length and layering, but it looks wonderful. Mom says I look like my grandma, whom I never met because she died just before my brother was born. And I got myself cookies, two packs. Yummy. ^^
And then Shenna came in to stay over for the night. Which is pretty freaking awesome too, since I hacen't seen her in ages. We, too, went into the city, and she got some rings, and we both had a McFlurry and she had a cheeseburger (which, honestly, I don't get, since I'm veggie all the way for 3 years now). And now I'm back home, waiting for Dennis to reply on my mail or teksts or to come online, tweeting, listening to Five for Fighting (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tR-qQcNT_fY) and talking to Linda until she went to dinner just now.

Day 66 - Part 1 - Tired but fine.

Dennis. Tekst me. Or mail me. Or call me. Whichever. It's been WAY too long.
Today was mighty fun. Waking up late, lazy morning, FINALLY showering again, which I couldn't do because my foot was kinda packed up nice and tight, got a new book from my big friend (part 6 in the TrueBlood series).
After that, my mom and my sis and I went out to the city, first to the market, then a super cute toystore where my mom got me a cottonball (she got me a pattern for adorable crochet cupcake animals, so awesome, and got me a new hobby with it), and then to the museum my sis is in. Not so much of a big deal, because there's lots of people given the chance to get a portret painting up there for some weeks, but amazing non the less. And I bought myself a necklace. Then I went to the bookshop to get part 3 of the TrueBlood series (which is missing), and then met up with my mom and sis in the supermarket. Now I just baked a cake, chocolately delicious, with raspberries.
And now I've gotta clean out the kitchen ^^

Day 65 - Part 2 - Just a tiny addiction.

I'm kinda in love with this guy, or actually, him music. That's just amazing.
My top 3:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B7VKiJhU_s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTRC_mOcWGo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6GQbHLmt8I

Or something like that. Not sure it's in order, not sure it's not. Akward.

Day 65 - Part 1 - 4 Weeks of Good Stuff.

Wow. 4 weeks of "dating" Dennis. (It's not real dating, you see, but I do love having him by my side, oh yes I dooo.)
But I haven't talked to him in ages :( My computer is still broken, so I've kind of stolen my dad's, but he's just not online. I did get awesomely cute teksts yesterday, though. He found his phone again ^^
I've been hyper and SO tired all the time. The surgeory went great, I've got near to no pain, and I just took the bandage off. You probably say it looks gross, but to me, even under all this blood, it looks absolutely amazing. Better than the last 4 times, anyway.
I'm not usually the one to listen to Disney Channel pop singers, but this one song, it kinda stuck. Just listen, 'kay?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzE1mX4Px0I&ob=av2e

Day 63 - Part 1 - Finally back online.

So my computer decided to ignore my feelings and just, like, shut down, no warning whatshowever, though I tried restarting it about 15 times yesterday... -.-'
Dennis did respond to me calling. Real sweet. Via mail, but REAL sweet <3
Anyways, let me start this good. HAPPY NEW YEAR! Happy 100th post to me, with like 10 steady viewers, eyeing the stats. I was celebrating new year yesterday (and the day before), and I couldn't quite believe it myself, but I spend the last day of the year talking books and watching Charlie the Unicorn - related movies on youtube (and asdf, and the badger song, etc. etc.). We had friends coming over, a family of four plus dog, so in the end dinner was with nine, though my brother ditched us after that, so party was with eight. Both numbers plus dog, of course. And I had this huge conversation on books with the oldest kid, a boy of 14, who's autistic and kinda weird, but all I notice is us two getting all hyper and stuff. 'Kayso, we had a good laugh, watched stupid movies, had nice dinner, and did the countdown. And I had applejuice instead of champaign, 'cause I don't like bubbles nor alcohol.
FIREWORKSTIMEEE! We had tons. You know those tiny things that just bang real loud? We had like 300 of 'em. For the two of us, because only me and the boy liked it (not naming people on here without permission, so that explaines the absence of names sometimes). In the end, it turns out that three kids from my street liked it too, so we had fun making things explode. Also, my dad had those nice big things that go up in the air, so he was shooting the moon ^^
After that, two more boys came out, carrying nitrates - which is basicly daddy bomb. So we shooed off inside, and that was around 2 in the morning. They went off home, the family, and I went to bed. I remember thinking my fingers reeked of stench.
So there I was, a 14-year old girl, staring at the world, smelling of exitement, exhaustion, smoke, sigarets, explosives and powder, missing her boyfriend and her best friends, starting back up from scraps. This time, the scraps better be good.
Then yesterday was kinda empty. I slept in, had a long breakfast, wanted to take a shower but decided against it, lay in bed to read, came downstairs, ate, read some more on the sofa, watched my sister and her friend race, joined it, read some more, watched a movie or two, read even more. It was half past 3 by the time I fell asleep.
Today was even lazier. No computer, and it's still not fixed, though my supercomputernerd daddy worked on it all day. Shit. So I just lay in bed, pulled up the blankets and read, read, read. I finished TrueBlood 2 in recordtime (for me, that is, I don't read real fast). I called some friends, made some appointments, painted my fingernails a bright pink and my left toenails smoky red. Which, unlike the easy way it sounds, is a horrible job to me, for I suck big time at painting nails. Facial make-up, that I'm great with, but nails are just... Not My Thing.
I didn't do my right foot on purpose, though. I've got a surgeory coming up tomorrow, and I don't want the doctor to see my horiffic nails skills, not do I want him/her to be confused about blood and nailpolish. That'd suck. Really suck, I mean.
Not that I really believe it will help. It'll be the 5th time, toenail grown into my flesh and inflamed all over, and it keeps getting worse. DANG IT DANG IT DANG IT. It should be over after 2 years, right? Fuck.
I planned on teksting Dennis, but he lost his phone, so I'll just say it here: Dennis, I love you <3